i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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