When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize