we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
