part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize