Jerry, you need to find god
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize