Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize