this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
