i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
