i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
