he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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