It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
