I hope mine doesn't look like that
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
operation have a gay friend backfired
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize