Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
