I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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