I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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