he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
