She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
