I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize