u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
