Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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