Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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