Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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