She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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