All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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