hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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