You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
