It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
