We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
