hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
