In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
