I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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