she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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