I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
