are you still at the devil's house?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
