$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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