it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
