what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
