tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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