im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
