Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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