He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
