Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
