she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I know her cup size but not her name....
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