does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
