Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
