i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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