sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize