We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
