my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
