awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
