i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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