I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
