If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
