I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
