The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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