nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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