This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
