Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
