she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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