Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Operation Purity has been aborted
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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