Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
