I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
