forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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