..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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