I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
