the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
