you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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