if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
