You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
