Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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