plz talk dirty to me
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
